Learning while grieving

How do we keep moving forward when we feel like we are stuck? 

When we lose a loved one, it feels like the world stops. As students, we prioritize our academic responsibilities over our own, but loss can stop us. This is a brief reflection of my personal experience with loss and the grieving process and how I managed to deal with these at a time when I still had academic responsibilities. 

My experience with Grief

I am a Registered Practical Nurse in the Bridge to BScN program at Ontario Tech. I recently experienced a significant loss in my family; this loved one passed away suddenly at the hospital I work at. It was difficult, but I felt a sense of honour in being able to help my family through it by navigating the ICU, speaking with doctors and nurses, and relaying information. My fellow nurse colleagues comforted me, and I will forever be grateful to my nursing instructors for preparing me for these conversations. I could never have imagined that I would need to use my nursing skills with my own family, but I’m grateful to have been able to rely on them at that moment. 

After the loss, I felt frozen and unsure in many parts of my life, including academia. Who do I talk to about this? What’s the next step? How am I going to get through this? These were the kinds of questions I asked myself in the days following. It would be an understatement to say that I found it challenging to focus on schoolwork. I had trouble finding the motivation to keep studying as I went through the grieving process. I lost one of my biggest supporters and couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever believe in myself as much as they believed in me. While grieving, motivation and resilience felt impossible. However, reminding myself of my goals and who I’m ultimately achieving them for has pushed me to keep going.

Strategies to help you cope

I want to share some strategies that worked for me, but before doing so, it’s important to note that the grieving process is extremely personal. Everyone will go through it on their own timelines and experience different emotions. Be patient, and allow yourself to feel the feelings when they surface. Feeling overcome with sadness is a completely normal response. It can take time, and it may feel like as soon as you start to make progress, you’re taken two steps back. 

Grief can make studying hard. For me, it disrupted my concentration and focus, which led to ongoing fatigue and brain fog. I also struggled with disinterest in things I once loved, including education. The biggest thing that helped me was reminding myself of how proud my loved one was to see me continuing my education and working towards my goals. It might sound cliche, but it’s true. This reminder motivates me to study and know that I have a great support system.

That leads to some of my most important advice: don’t suffer alone! If you need it, seek professional help, even if it feels intimidating. I contacted Student Mental Health Services and was connected with a mental health counsellor. Having someone to talk to who could also provide professional guidance helped me to realize I wasn’t alone and that my feelings were important. You can also contact your professors and explain your current situation if you need to. If you’re not ready to push through and get it done, don’t hesitate to ask for an extension on an assignment or project. 

TalkGrief.org provides tips for students who have experienced loss while pursuing academic goals. When trying to cope with your loss, they suggest the following:

• Acknowledge that you are grieving,
• Set realistic goals,
• Create a schedule, 
• Be kind to yourself, 
• Make time for coping techniques,
• Reach out for support.

At the very least, I hope that this reflection makes you feel seen. When you start to feel the pressures of your academic responsibilities, remember why you’re studying and know that your loved one would be proud to see you persevere. There’s no right way to grieve. Give yourself the grace to feel all you’re feeling without guilt, and know you’re not alone.