I want to change, but I don’t know how

         There comes a point in your life when you feel like you’ve had enough. You want to snap out of your old routine/cycle and just begin to live freely. By living freely, I mean actually go about enjoying your life and living it to your means. Unfortunately, this is not so simple. One of the most profound things that have come into my consciousness is that very often, we get in our own way. No one is holding you down with chains or metal rods, no one is telling you to worry excessively or to have a back up plan for a back up plan, or to run, after signing up to a commitment because you feel that you might just happen to let them down. No one; unless of course there is then I apologize and request that you acquire the courage to put yourself first and not allow these negative energies to cloud your beautiful mind. But for the most part, the thing that does the most damage is that little voice in your head. The voice that reminds you on the daily of your inadequacies.

            Imagine this, you’ve got a goal and you work very hard for it. You put forward everything you’ve got into manifesting your vision and now you’re just awaiting the results. Lucky for you there’s this voice in your head that drops in a couple of times to remind you, “Yeah you totally messed up, you’re not going to make it, so it's best that you lower your expectations.” With that thought you have a grey cloud over your head, your smile dims and you just feel horrible about yourself. That right there needs to stop and it needs to stop now! 

        I am so tired of getting in my own way at times and I am sure you may relate. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar put it, “Nothing in this world can bother you as much as your own mind. Others seem to be bothering you, but it’s not others, it’s your own mind.” When you realize the power this statement holds, you can truly begin to recognize that your mind is just doing its job. It's trying to protect you, it's trying to keep you alive. Blame evolution if you must but from an evolutionary standpoint, our brains simply want us to survive, reproduce and maintain equilibrium. This is most often why we overcompensate our thoughts in the worry that something could possibly go wrong and so let me think of everything I possibly can to ensure I live through it.

            This is no way to live. C’mon now, you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are more than capable of achieving everything that you so desire, if you’re willing to put forward all that you’ve got. Beyond that you should try to decrease your worries because at that point you’re aware that you’ve done everything that you possibly could to obtain whatever it is that you so desire. If you’re having trouble getting started because of these thoughts that continually bother you, though, rest assured, we all go through it. Luckily Mel Robbins understands. Let’s see how we can implement this powerful woman’s approach to getting out of our own into our lives.

Understand what you want

To begin, understand what you want. Take a moment to pause and reflect on what it is that you truly want. Do you want to lose weight, increase your income, do better in school? Bring whatever this thought is into your mind. Don’t over analyze it, don’t try to justify how you will do it. Just bring the thought into your consciousness.

Understand that getting what you want is simple.

It is simple to get what you want but not easy. If you have a goal, there’s likely someone else who came before who may have shared a similar passion and have found a way. The internet is at your fingertips. You are one google search away from obtaining the pathway to achieving whatever it is that you want. You have contacts in your phone. There are individuals online whom you can reach out to for tips and guidance. So, the question is why do you not already have whatever it is that you want?

Tell yourself the truth

It all comes down to how you choose to express your reality to yourself. Let’s say, you have yet to achieve the goals that you desire. Internally, you know that you are not fulfilled or perhaps there is a void that exists within you that you are unable to verbalize. When someone comes along and asks, “How are you?”, what do we often do? We say, “we’re fine.” But are we actually “fine” with all these storms going on within our head? We’re talking about living your best life and becoming the best version of yourself and all you can justify your life with is “fine”? This is not to say that “fine” is a terrible adjective. It’s more so about being honest with yourself because the things you externalize are often powered by what you have internalized. In a way you are literally telling yourself, “I’m not happy with where I am” or simply “I am not where I want to be, and I am fine with that”. What this does is it creates a pattern of recognizing what you want, understanding that you do not currently have it, making yourself aware that you are fine with the way things are operating, and then later going on to question why you’re not happy? Oh right, because you convinced yourself that you were fine with not being where you want to be or not having what it is that you want. Do you recognize how messed up that can be for your wellbeing? That is why you are not pushing yourself. We need to stop getting in our own way!

Remind yourself of this when you feel low

 Remember that you are here, reading this article in this never-ending universe is by chance. The chances of you being born were 1:400,000,000. You are a miracle. You have ideas that you desire and the potential to make a difference in the world, in your life, for yourself. Please don’t waste this away because your mind is projecting some random thoughts. Defeat them. Don’t let your thoughts hold you hostage. If you need to vent to someone, ask a friend you trust to hear you out. If you are scared to voice your thoughts, you don’t have to. Do what I do, take a paper and a pen, and write them out. Once you have written the thought out, go ahead, and write some positive affirmations around it; write down all the things that make you happy and that you are grateful for in your life. Write down the things that are bothering you right now. Then cross out the ones that you cannot do anything about. Look to the ones you can actually change and ask yourself “what can I do right now to stop feeling this way about these things.” Sometimes we need to reboot our mind and remind ourselves of exactly how fantastic we are.

I’m going to let you in on a secret. 

The truth is that the only way to eliminate doubt, fear and these racing thoughts in your head is to actively recognize them and change your pattern of thought. Try to implement the exercise below into your life. 

Initial thought: “I think I’m going to do so bad on my test, I’m a failure, my friend treated me so poorly so I must be a horrible person.”

Stop, take a deep breath. 

Reengineered thought: “I worked hard on that test, I deserve to take a break. It should go well because I’m positive I gave it my best effort. If not, then I will try harder and work with the professor to better understand my weaknesses. I am not a failure, I am destined for greatness, look at how far I’ve come! My friend’s treatment toward me is not a reflection of myself. Perhaps, they were having a bad day, I will give them some distance and time to regroup so we can better understand each other.”

And just like that, I hope you eliminate your headache without taking that tylenol! 

Check out Mel Robbins’ Ted Talk below