How to overcome the comparison trap

While growing up, did you find yourself comparing others against yourself? If you did then, in some way, shape or form this tied in with your self-esteem and you may have begun to understand a change needed to be made. As humans, we recognize we are flawed and so if there is a void in our life, we evidently work to fulfill it in the most convenient way possible. Unfortunately, these methods of alternating oneself can be exhaustive yet the cycle is never-ending! Think about it! How will you ever have enough, if you are predisposed to believe that you are not enough? What article of clothing, brand of makeup, friend circle, etc. will it take for you to be convinced that you are enough? How can you begin to let go of the notion that once you attain “x” you will be satisfied, maybe even happy? Here are the things you need to do to overcome the comparison trap.

Have gratitude for who you are and who you will become [1]

You know how they say be grateful for what you have, you’ll end up having more? It’s true! Life is truly dependent on the lens through which you see your reality. With a positive mindset, even the biggest problems will seem small if you have the courage to understand that you can overcome them. It’s important to acknowledge who you are and what you are capable of. So how can you practice gratitude? Journaling. You can write down your thoughts and practice noting something that you are grateful for or have accomplished and overcome each and every day. You can even go about creating a “Jar of Gratitude” where you slip in notes with your words of gratitude. At the end of the month or if you are an extra patient at the end of the year, read through your messages, I promise you will feel so proud of yourself! My gratitude practice involves thought recycling where I empty my negative thoughts on paper and will recycle them and put up positive reminders of things that I have accomplished. In this way, whatever spot in my room that my eyes meet, I will have a reason to smile! 

Compare yourself to yourself [1]

We don’t have to make unhealthy comparisons. We can utilize them in a new context to help motivate ourselves towards our goals and challenge ourselves to work to identify our flaws and accomplishments. Again, the problem with comparing yourself with others is simply that it leads to unrealistic wishes which leave us feeling hopeless. The pathway to freedom from this negativity is to realize that those unrealistic desires may never be fulfilled and in fact, you do not need them to be fulfilled! When you begin to reflect on your actions and see yourself evolve from who you used to be, your actions from the past, and who you are now that will be the most rewarding experience. You will understand that you have overcome various obstacles and that it's you who has always been there for you so why should there be any mention of anyone else in your mind to be comparing yourself to? 

A few years ago, I created a personal yearbook that encompassed all my achievements and photos of the most memorable moments. I often look back at that to reaffirm that I have created this book and filled it with content through my hard work and dedication. Therefore, I am forced to push myself to understand that I have come a long way and needless to say will continue to strive forward!

Communicate.[1]

If you are feeling these doubts and insecurities then it's time we talk about it. This can be accomplished through speaking with a close friend, colleague, parent, or even doctor, if necessary. That significant other will be more than happy to help you and will feel very grateful that you choose to share such a vulnerable perspective. Sometimes gaining an outsider's perspective can help in removing the blindfold of negativity that our comparison trap has masked over us. 

What I personally do is call one of my friends over and we go for a drive. On this drive, I let out all my thoughts and explain all that I’m feeling. It is so important to validate your feelings!

Read. 

If you have read any of my previous posts, then you know I am a big fan of Z-library. Here are some books that I highly recommend you check out. 

• You Are Enough: How to Elevate Your Thoughts, Align Your Energy and Get Out of the Comparison Trap by Cassie Mendoza-Jones 

• The art of extreme self-care: 12 practical and inspiring ways to love yourself more by Richardson, Cheryl 

• 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think by Brianna Wiest 

Take it day by day. [1]

It is not easy to overcome the comparison trap, but it certainly is possible. The first step in working towards change is acknowledgment. The rest will fall into place if you are able to stay consistent and not deploy the toxic traits that led you to feel this way in the first place. If there is a presence of a negative opinion-forming a cloud over your head, then you need to take steps to address that and if need be remove that person, place, or thing from your life either temporarily while you “find” yourself or permanently, if need be. Remember it is not selfish to put your mental health first. 

While it's good to acknowledge how far you have come and self-reflect on yourself, the trap of constantly doing so can pave the way for anxiety, self-deprecation, and utter sadness. You are literally telling your one true team player, the very person who has been with you through thick and thin, yourself that you are not enough! While critiquing ourselves is part of growth, bullying ourselves into believing we cannot compete with someone because of whatever reason will not serve us well in the long run. It's time we spread kindness that lies within and let it wrap its arms around our soul; let it be felt and known that you are enough, you are you and that is something worth celebrating. 

Reference 

[1] https://www.greatlakespsychologygroup.com/blog/3-ways-to-avoid-the-comparison-trap/